I'm destroying...myself

My hair is still filling in nicely. I have decreased my pulling significantly but I am still pulling. Less…but still pulling. And I pull my regrowth. The regrowth that I haven’t pulled is getting nice and long and I feel like if I wouldn’t have started up again, it would all be nice and long and I would be able to hide it (at least slightly more than I can right now.) It stinks because I just want to feel pretty. All the girls at work are trying to grow their hair out and I just want mine to grow in. I’m trying really hard. I’m trying to focus on other things that make me feel pretty like eating healthy and exercising. I bought some new shampoo and hair treatments, I’m all stocked up on vitamins and I’m making sure I get extra protein because I’m ready for my hair to grow in, to stay this time. I don’t want anything to stand in my way this time. I’m tired of the back and forth. The excitedness I get when it grows back in, just to get my hopes up after I screw up. It’s such a hard disorder to have because I’m literally destroying myself. I’m destroying the way I look. I’m destroying my self-confidence. I’m destroying my hair. And it makes no sense.