6 days

Almost 7 full days without pulling. When I was younger (even a year ago) if I could go one day without pulling a hair, I could go months without even thinking about it. Not this time, it's harder. It's a struggle. A few days ago, I also went to my first hypnotherapy appoingment. Instead of making it better, it's made it harder. Instead of getting my mind off the hair pulling, it's made me think about it way more than I usually do. I'm more upset with myself that I went to the appointment (and wasted the time and money) because it just made it worse. Although, how would I have known? I keep thinking it over and over In my head that I wish I wouldn't have gone. I feel like it's harder this time, than previous times. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I have to work for it this time, and maybe I can finally get over this. Almost 13 years in the making, and I'm ready. I'm ready to feel pretty. I want someone to think my hair is beautiful one day. I want someone to compliment my hair.

Time to let go..

I was doing so well. SO well. I was proud of myself. My hairdresser was proud of me. My hair was looking GOOD. I felt prettier than I had in a long time. I was starting to feel okay with my boyfriend seeing my hair not in a ponytail or a bun. Then I started a new job, and moved, all within a month. My new job is very stressful and makes me wonder why I ever left my old job. My new house is not my home, and I feel uncomfortable there. Im trying to make it MINE, but it just doesn't feel very homey. I pulled one. I told myself I would stop, that would be the only one. And then I just kept going. It looks like it did a few months ago, nothing new. Back to pulling again. I tried so hard. As I type this, I'm trying to keep my hands off my scalp. I had a rough day, spent most of it sick in bed, and the fact that I know I'm going to get in trouble tomorrow for asking to go home from work early today. I relieve stress this way. I deal with change this way. I hate it. I wish I could do something else. Gardening, running, cooking, yoga... anything else. I've tried just about everything. This Saturday I have an appointment for hypnosis. I've pretty much tried everything else out there. I'm hopeful this will help in some way, shape or form. I'm tired of this. It's getting old. I need to let go.